Ever since I was a child, I have had this irrational fear that one day, one of my teeth would fall randomly out of my head and I'd be in excruciating pain for the rest of my life.
This is a frequent nightmare for me. Just the other day I dreamed that three of my teeth became horribly loose and I was forced to pull them out, one by one, in pieces, leaving behind their exposed roots, black and rotting in my mouth....
Even just looking at pictures of teeth makes me anxious and disturbed. It has not been fun searching for pictures for this blog entry.
You'd think this would make me obsessed with oral hygiene, but it's had rather the opposite effect.
I do brush my teeth like any normal person, but I definitely fall short at flossing. I'm worried that I'll somehow loosen a crown (this has happened) or a filling (ditto) or that I'll discover some new tooth pain (ditto again).
I pay for this bad habit too, since my dentist visits usually end up dealing with tiny cavities between my teeth. Something that could be fixed with FLOSSING.
But the worst tooth experience of my life was the day I had to get a root canal.
Everyone knows what a root canal is, and everyone has some horror story to share. And I heard every single one of them from work the day before I got mine.
"Oh, you're getting a root canal? My nephew screamed the whole time they did his."
"The only time I hurt worse was when I gave birth."
"It's TORTURE with DRILLS."
As you can expect, I entered my dentist's office in near tears the next day.
Now don't get me wrong. Going to the dentist doesn't bother me. For one, I have the best dentist in the world. She's friendly and kind and interested in me as a person, always asking how my family and work is. She's gentle too and refuses to compromise quality. When we did my veneers on my front teeth, she sent the veneer back THREE TIMES because they weren't absolutely PERFECT. Especially since she knew I had a wedding coming up. <3
|Perfect teeth for our big day. <3|
My dentist noticed.
"Feeling nervous, Rachel?" she asked with her slight accent and big grin.
Staring at the drills, the big lights, the creepy dentist chair (I swear dentist chairs evolved from medieval torture devices) and smelling everything LATEX... I admitted to some nervousness.
The dentist put down her tools and nodded to her assistant, who nodded back and left the room for a moment.
"You've been coming to me for several years now, haven't you?" she said.
"Yeah," I said. "I was nervous the first time too, but you made me feel right at home."
"And you know that my policy is no pain," she continued. "We don't tolerate that here."
"But isn't a root canal different?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Everyone thinks it is. And for some dentists, it is different. It's a long process and not one that every doctor is good at. But a good doctor will keep that pain to a minimum, or eliminate it completely. Now tell me," she smiled. "Have you ever felt pain in my office before?"
I didn't think the tiny pinpricks during the numbing process counted so I shook my head.
"Not even with the extractions?"
I had had two teeth pulled from my head previously by the doctor's brother, an oral surgeon. It was part of the process of fixing my top row of teeth for the wedding. Both extractions were done at once and the only thing I had felt that day was mild pressure on my gums. They even let me hold the teeth afterwords (there's nothing quite like holding a piece of your own head in your hand.)
But there was no pain. I shook my head again.
"And do you remember that particularly bad cavity that needed to be really deep?"
I did. It was as close to a root canal as I had ever gotten before. But again, no pain.
"I know this is a new experience," the doctor said. "But I'm going to ask you to trust me, as you have all these years. Can you do that for me?"
It was hard to say yes, even knowing all that. My fears dictated my reactions. But I said yes. The doctor smiled at me, brought her assistant back in, and got to work.
Two hours later, someone shook me by the shoulder. I opened my eyes to my doctor hovering over me. She removed her gloves.
I blinked at her. "What?"
"We're finished," she said. "Your husband must appreciate the fact that you don't snore in your sleep."
That's right. I had fallen asleep. I probed the area of the root canal with my tongue and felt no pain, despite the fact that the numbness was wearing off.
"We'll get the permanent crown in next week, once we get the impressions to them," the doctor said. "You did great. Thanks for trusting me."
And I'm glad I did.
Trust is such a crucial theme in my books. Especially trust in difficult times.
In The Stolen Guardian, Ouranos has to put trust in Matt, someone he's believed to be his enemy, when they face a common enemy together.
In both White Assassin and Tanned Hide, Trecheon and Neil have to put trust in each other to get through the calamities they've created for themselves, even when neither quite knows how.
And in my current work in progress, Brother at Arms, trust is absolutely crucial to getting through the events of this story alive.
Most people say that trust is something that's earned. But that's not always true. Sometimes trust is the only thing keeping you going. It's the only way to survive.
And while putting trust in my dentist wasn't a life or death situation (no matter how much I fear my teeth) it was a good reminder that trust is what gets us going throughout the day.
Yes, sometimes you will put trust in someone and they'll let you down. It's a fact of life and a common occurrence.
But the very act of trusting someone, of choosing to put some aspect of your life in their hands, is good. It's an act of faith. And while it's hard and can be painful, it is what ties us together as a species.
Have you ever had to put trust in a situation that made you uncomfortable? How did you react? Share in the comments below!