Monday, December 1, 2014

Ten Christmas Gifts You Should Never Give A Writer... Or Should You?

Last year around Christmas, Writer's Relief published a blog called 10 Holiday Gifts You Should Never Give A Writer (which I promptly changed to Christmas Gifts... Come on, people, if you're offended, get over it) and it got me thinking...

Should we REALLY avoid these gifts? Let's take a look.

#1 - Novel by a Celebrity

Specifically, "Snooki - A Shore Thing"

Writer's Relief's Logic: Don't give a writer the gift of a novel that didn't even have to try to get on the best seller's list. 

My Logic: Personally, I'd have a TON of fun trying to figure out who ghostwrote this book... Because I don't think Snooki has enough brain cells to formulate a sentence on paper. Or, if she actually DID write the book, it'd be fun to take a red pen to it... then send it to her bleeding red ink. ;)

#2 - A Box of Crayons

Image Via

Writer's Relief's Logic: "Nothing says to a writer 'your writing lacks maturity' like a box of crayons." 

My Logic: I love crayons. They're amazing, magical, and nostalgic. If someone gave me crayons, my first question would be, "Do you have any paper?" 

Frankly, a lot of authors I know, especially in the sci fi and fantasy world, are artists too, mainly because it helps us to visualize our novels and characters better if we have art to complement the writing. And what better challenge could you have then to try and draw your main character in CRAYON? That's awesome.

#3 - Typewriter

Writer's Relief's Logic: Typewriters simply don't give writers the tools needed for writing in the 21st Century.

My Logic: Okay, okay, okay. I admit. This ISN'T a good tool for writers these days. 


Typewriters, especially OLD typewriters, are totally awesome. I have one just like this one in the picture which I bought from an eBay auction for $115. The carriage needs some work and I need a new ink ribbon, but other than that, it's in near perfect condition. And there's literally DOZENS of typewriter repair shops in my city. DOZENS. 

And what writer wouldn't want to take the time to write the first page of their novel on an old typewriter and put it on display in their house? That's the best kind of decoration there is!

#4 - Framed copy of the writer's first rejection letter.

Writer's Relief's Logic: "Unless your writer friend is motivated by this kind of thing, not a good idea!" 

My Logic: I haven't gotten any rejection letters since I don't plan to query (self publish FTW). Yeah, I have one rejection from a contest, but that's not really the same thing. 

But... I have a fun idea for rejection letters.

Take each rejection and either the letterhead or logo of the company or agent that rejected you and make a huge collage... and eventually, when you get that magical "YES!" paste it in the middle, making it look like the "yes" is blasting away all the "nos." 

So, yes. A framed rejection letter would look just fine in the bathroom... next to my collage of rejection destruction. 

#5 - Bottle of Invisible Ink

Writer's Relief Logic: Writers, even dense ones, will be insulted by this gift.

My Logic: Why? Invisible ink is awesome! Heck, next year for Christmas, send said friend a Christmas card writing in invisible ink! It'll be like you're a SPY! =D

#6 - A sign that reads "Don't Quit Your Job." 

Writer's Relief's Logic: Bad, bad, bad, bad.

My Logic: MY job is to teach and write. I don't WANT to quit my job. So a nice reminder isn't a bad thing. 

I'll put that sign in the bathroom as well. 

#7 - 
Image Via Writer's Relief
Writer's Relief's Logic: See above.

My Logic: o_0 Is there any logic to this gift? Fail.

#8 - Sweatshirt reading "Will Read For Food." 

Writer's Relief's Logic: Bad, bad, bad, bad.

My Logic: If I could get paid to just read all day, heck, I'd do it. 

#9 - 
Image Via Writer's Relief

Writer's Relief's Logic: See Above.

My Logic: You see an insulting gift, I see next year's White Elephant contributions. 

#10 - A Bumper Sticker that reads: 

Image Via Writer's Relief

Writer's Relief's Logic: The book was better.

My logic: The book is ALWAYS better. 

What gifts would you hate to receive as a writer? 

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